Ramblings on Faith

I was driving home from the beach with some friends last night, and somehow we got into this talk about faith. I realized how much I have to work on that. I am such a worrier, and even worse, I'm a catastrophizer. What does that mean? Catastrophizers go something like this: I didn't do well on this test. I'm not going to do well on any of my tests. I'll end up failing my classes. I won't be able to graduate high school. I'm going to be forced to work at McDonald's for the rest of my life. I have nothing in life for me but to be a McManager, if I can even climb that high. I could go into an entire discourse about Internal Working Models and cognitive distortions to explain why it's silly to let one's worries carry this far. However, I think in many cases when I start catastrophizing, I'm just not having faith that things will work out. There was a talk in Sunday about how Heavenly Father knows the entire course our lives will take. The whole time I'm freaking out about losing an internship, not having feelings reciprocated by a boy, not knowing how decisions here and there will direct the course of my life, Heavenly Father is just saying, "Calm down, it will all work out, trust me." It's hard for me to do that, and it's hard to grasp that He really guides my life, even what sometimes seems like the minute details of it. I get so easily frustrated when things don't go as I had hoped, or when I don't know the point of why things happen the way they happen. I just need to calm down! Anyway, it was an interesting conversation, and it certainly made me think.

I just got back from Livermore. I only spent a few days there....I find the fewer days I spend there at a time, the easier it is to go back. I don't dread it as much. It's like a date...it's better for it to end too soon rather than too late. The last few times I've gone home, I've always thought, "my time was too short maybe I should have taken a few more days here." It was pleasant. I went to SF a couple times, went lindy hopping, shopping, spent time with the grandparents and nephews. They are so cute. When I figure out how to post videos, I will post a video of their latest dance session I had the pleasure of attending.