At the beginning of this year, I received a New Year's blessing that mentioned how I will need to seek the spirit in considering which new paths to take my career. Anxiety Allana freaked out that the only rational reason I was told this is because something horrible would happen with a case I had touched and I would be fired. Optimistic Allana then intervened and gave the more hopeful response that I of course would meet the love of my life, who would then get a job elsewhere, causing me to consider what path my career would take in that new city. Realistic Allana then chimed in and pointed out that maybe it was time to prepare to promote within the county. This week, I stayed late talking to a coworker about the job. We spoke about burnout making us less available to those around us outside of work. Her kids told her, "Mom, you're such a B**** now." She wasn't mad because she knew they were right. Subsequent conversations brought up the idea of getting my license - maybe this is what Heavenly Father meant. Time will tell.
However, I think I got a spiritual 2x4 across the head today. My friend sent me a link about Compassion Fatigue, Burnout, etc. in social workers. He probably just sent it to me because it was about social workers and I'm a social worker, not realizing what an impact it would have. The very things that drew me to this profession (the opportunity to nurture Christlike attributes such as charity, patience, kindness) have been compromised as I overextend myself. My motto lately has been "I've been so busy." As a result, I have been less patient, more rude, less present to people, more selfish with my time. I caught myself today being rude to missionaries. Missionaries!! This is not who I am and not who I want to be, just as I am sure my coworker does not want to be thought of as a "B****" by her own children. I have become so focused on doing overtime so I can save up for a down payment on a house (thanks, HGTV) that I have not thought about the fact that overloading myself may have the effect of living in that HGTV-inspired home alone for the rest of my life. I just haven't been as pleasant to be around. This was further reinforced during sacrament when people shared their thoughts about General Conference. Is this load I am taking on giving me the necessary traction to move forward? Do I put too much value on things that I cannot take with me to the next life?
Is this burnout and the sign that I need a change? Or am I just plain overbooking myself? I have a lot of thinking and pondering to do. I think I'm having a third-life crisis (how to do make it the equivalent of mid-life without making it sound like it's the "third" time I've had a life crisis?).
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I think this is something everyone faces at some point--at least women. I've thought about being overextended a lot, too, and come to the conclusion that I need to be aware that I am limited in the amount of good I can do--and that is OKAY. I think there was a talk on that in the RS Meeting before GC a couple years ago. You start with where you have the most influence, and put your energy into that, and then allow yourself to say no to things you can't add to your plate. Good luck; I hope you can find a new balance soon. xo
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